so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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