Barsexuality is the new black.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
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