So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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