I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
