I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
