I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
