i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I will be naked everywhere
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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