garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
