Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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