don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
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