Already got asked if we're dating
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
