I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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