If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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