That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
