I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
