OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
he thought i was a dude.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Randomize
