just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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