So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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