I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
