Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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