Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
