i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
