I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
