I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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