Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
