What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Randomize
