I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Randomize
