his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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