Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
