you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Randomize
