Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
