we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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