But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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