dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
