it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
When are your genitals available?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
