Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
