As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
sarcasm needs its own font
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Randomize
