We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
