A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I need a beard to bite.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
