I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
