also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
