I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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