Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
