do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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