Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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