They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you mean i was at the winter classic?
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
