I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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