I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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