none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
