He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
