Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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